I can increase US productivity and ultimately Gross Domestic Product with one simple workplace rule. People can only use 35 non work-related words per day. The rule is meant for everyone but it would most affect women.
They couldn't spend 25 minutes every morning and afternoon talking about their miserable husbands or their precious little minis running off to day care or school. Nothing about breakfast or where they are going/went to lunch, what they had, how it tasted, their afternoon coffee, their complaints about working conditions, the office jackasses personal life, some shittyass recipes, stupid rumors about someone's wife, their god-awful disney vacation from 4 years ago, how they will make 2010 better than 2009, an upcoming weekend, a pointless college story, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.
Just stop it. Thirty five non-essential words every day.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Everyone's Broke
About two years ago my friend told me about one of his friends who had this theory that everyone was broke or close to broke. We all laughed about this and talked about examples of people who we thought were making good money but that we were not totally sure.
You probably know the doctor making $400k with four kids in private school, four expensive cars, a vacation home and maybe some collection of expensive, exotic shit. Two years ago those guys were sliding through life care-free but now they are limping through life with a large load in their pants.
For the rest of the upper-middle class, striving to achieve whatever it is that makes people think we are successful, the last two years have been a slow deliberate slide into 'broke-ness.'
I had a suspicion back in February 2008 that this guy was right and everyone was broke. All of those suspicions have gone away since then and I sit today firmly believing that everyone is, in fact, broke.
You probably know the doctor making $400k with four kids in private school, four expensive cars, a vacation home and maybe some collection of expensive, exotic shit. Two years ago those guys were sliding through life care-free but now they are limping through life with a large load in their pants.
For the rest of the upper-middle class, striving to achieve whatever it is that makes people think we are successful, the last two years have been a slow deliberate slide into 'broke-ness.'
I had a suspicion back in February 2008 that this guy was right and everyone was broke. All of those suspicions have gone away since then and I sit today firmly believing that everyone is, in fact, broke.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Price of Gasoline, January 2010
The American consumer (which, I am one) is a buffoon. I filled up my tank today and it cost $51 - I drive a four door sedan. I nearly shit my pants.
Most people don't even look at gasoline prices. Its like toilet paper, milk, tampons, condoms - consumers will pay whatever the asking price because we simply can not live without these things. I think the economic jerk-offs call it 'inelastic demand.' That is, demand is unaffected by price.
The thing is, nothing in our lives has such wide price swings as gasoline and no one can look you in the eye with a clear explanation that makes sense. Today gas is $2.89, two days ago it was $2.74. Its the same freakin gas!
About 18 months ago the price of a gallon of gas spiked and some parts of the country had a gasoline shortage. The oil companies used this time of fear and panic to raise prices and systematically retain those elevated levels ever since. They are making an absolute killing.
We are sheep, ignorantly living our lives in our miserable pastures, following our fellow consumers to the slaughterhouse or worse, waiting for a wolf to bite into our throat and drain our blood.
Most people don't even look at gasoline prices. Its like toilet paper, milk, tampons, condoms - consumers will pay whatever the asking price because we simply can not live without these things. I think the economic jerk-offs call it 'inelastic demand.' That is, demand is unaffected by price.
The thing is, nothing in our lives has such wide price swings as gasoline and no one can look you in the eye with a clear explanation that makes sense. Today gas is $2.89, two days ago it was $2.74. Its the same freakin gas!
About 18 months ago the price of a gallon of gas spiked and some parts of the country had a gasoline shortage. The oil companies used this time of fear and panic to raise prices and systematically retain those elevated levels ever since. They are making an absolute killing.
We are sheep, ignorantly living our lives in our miserable pastures, following our fellow consumers to the slaughterhouse or worse, waiting for a wolf to bite into our throat and drain our blood.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Joggers at Night
Just noticed a new phenomenon. In the past seven days I have seen three people jogging at dusk with miner's lights. That's right, flashlights strapped to their melon! My first thought was, wtf is that light moving randomly six feet off the ground? Then I got closer and saw it attached to this bozo's head.
Now, I'm all for safety and I encourage reflective tape or running gear with reflective fabric if you plan to run at night. Isn't that enough?
It doesn't make sense to me. If you are so safety conscious that you have to jog with a fucking miner's light, what are you doing jogging at night? And if nighttime is the only time you can jog and your paranoid, why jog on the goddamn road?
Monday, January 4, 2010
The Mall
Unfortunately, I ended up at the shopping mall during this Christmas season. Its not that I don't like giving gifts, I just hate subjecting myself to the freaks during peak times. Anyway...
My biggest observation: Kids wear their hats in the stupidest position I have ever seen. They have flat bills, cocked to the side and its beyond ridiculous. On top of that, the hat logos mean nothing. Nine out of ten of them have some logo I have never seen before or even worse, some bastardized NY Yankee logo.
Other observations:
-kids buy nothing anymore - no one under 20 had a shopping bag
-Starbucks is still genius - insane line for $5 lattes
-who buys expensive jewelry at the mall jewelers (i.e. Zales)
-stores are getting through the economic times by keeping almost zero inventory
-people in holiday stupors are amazingly rude
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