Help Me Out

I don't know if this is funny or completely absurd.




I started noticing 'truck balls' about two years ago.  The first time I saw something like this I ended up following the guy for three or four miles in the wrong direction just to be sure that it was what I thought it was.  Once I stopped behind him at a traffic light I realized that it was exactly what I thought it was.  I turned around and headed back in the right direction laughing for quite a while.  Now I am beginning to see them pretty regularly.

I grew up in a small town out in the country with lots of farmers.  When my farmer buddies would buy a new truck they would immediately remove the back gate.  I know this was funtional for loading hay but I also know there was a certain amount of pride associated with farming and this was a way to say, 'Yea, I gotta new truck but it ain't for goin' into town.  Its a workin' truck.'

What statement are these 'truck balls' making?  Is the drivier telling you that his truck is so fucking cool that it has testicales?  Or is he saying that HE has gigantic, overgrown testicles?  Is this cool?  I really don't know.  I think the answer lies with the woman in the passenger seat - if there is one.

Seriously dude?



What is the chance that the driver actually gets to use his testicles for their actual purpose?  If there is no woman in the passenger seat, I think the chances are less than 5%.  If there is women in the passenger seat, I think the chances are 100%.

What do you think?

I also see that they make a set in blue for upper middle class, suburban dudes who are married.

Office Chicks

Given that its football season and I've been spending a good bit of time at the office, I've decided to play a little game.  Trying to use well-known quarterbacks to describe some office personalities.  If you work in an office with more than 30 people, you can relate to most of these women who will pass through your work life...

Alex Smith - Nondescript chick - works in another department, don't know her name, couldn't pick her out of a line-up

Drew Brees - Borderline chick who wins you over with personality

Eli Manning - Mysterious chick - doesn't ever say much, doesn't smile very often but someone you would be perfectly happy to end up with

Tony Romo -Teaser chick - really nice looking chick with great personality, offers lots of promise yet always ends up fucking you

Peyton Manning - Perfect chick - smart, creative, important, well-respected by all, completely hot and overall off-the-charts\

Joe Flacco - New chick - looks really good most of the time, flashes of brilliance

Ben Roethlisberger - Moderately hot chick - will absolutely have sex with you but you end up at the doctor's office with an infection

Tom Brady - Perennial great chick - consistently hot, great performer, always looks good

Raiders Quarterback (whoever it is) - Disaster chick - complete zero on all levels, nothing positive, never want to be with her, even in an all-company meeting

Mistaken Identity

Today I was doing some research on a Confederate Army General named, Braxton Bragg.  My google search turned up the following image...



Seriously, look it up.  This famously incompetent Civil War General is the namesake of a southern rock band who had the smarts to use this photo as an album cover.

A smokinhot chick wearing a cowboy hat and not much else.  Inviting you to share a bottle of Jim Beam without a glass.  Very nice!

Jealousy...is everywhere

Even a shitty economy, that has hit nearly every American can not provide enough people with perspective. I am convinced that the only thing that will reach people is real, personal tragedy.

Everyone wants what they don't have. Everyone. Absolutely everyone. Doubt me? Exhibit A: Tiger Woods.

I live in a place with lots of upper-middle class white people. Manicured lawns, SUV's, tennis clubs, three-car garages and outdoor living spaces. It looks to me like most everyone is in a pretty good place. But the other day I was sitting at the neighborhood pool and three Moms were talking about another (absent) Mom who 'had everything.' They were talkng about clothes, hair, SUV, good husband, breast implants, etc. These three Mom's had virtually the same arrangement as the Mom who had everything! I was listening in complete confusion.

THEN, literally the next day the absent Mom was there and one of the ones from the previous day was not there. The previously absent Mom was complaining that the newly absent Mom had all this shit. It blew my mind. I was like, what the fuck is going on? Why can't you each enjoy what you have and be happy for those who have more?

Guys are the same way but with different shit. We mostly want more cash on hand and additional opportunities with women. But is also includes cars, jobs, televisions, boats, golf clubs.

Fact is, we all have it pretty good. Sadly, it will take some personal tragedy for each of us to realize that while we may not have everything we want, we still have a good life. Here are some personal tragedies that will give you perspective; DUI, being caught with a hooker (tragedy?), serious illness to child or spouse, job loss.

Sex Stories

Dudes love hearing stories about their friends' sexual adventures - until the stories involve a wife.

We can listen to endless stories of our single buddies diddling all kinds of women. It doesn't really matter if the stories are even true. Its just funny to hear all of the shit that other guys do.

For example, I had a friend who would try to convince girls to put their undies in their mouths while he was doing them. He would tell them that it turns him on and beg them to comply. Oddly enough, many of the women would do it. That's just funny.

But this is where it gets weird. I don't know a single guy who wants to hear a story from his buddies that involves sex with their spouse. It just isn't that entertaining. For some reason the stories are only interesting if they involve a random chick or a girlfriend.

Who Would You Do?

Watching SportsCenter tonight with Linda Cohn and it got me thinking...would I want to have sex with Linda Cohn? I recognize that most of you freaks have no sex life and would like to have sex with virtually anyone but seriously what about Linda Cohn? Here are a few more...

Diane Sawyer
Cokie Roberts
Tori Amos, singer
Katie Couric
Robyn (from Howard Stern show)
Lady Gaga
Andrea Kramer, ESPN
Mary Hart, Entertainment Tonite

Interesting, and you could add dozens more.

Really Stupid Looks

I saw a complete and utter bozo today but I don't have a camera phone so could not capture his assinine haircut. But it got me thinking about idiotic things people do to make a statement. Here are a few...